News of the Crow

PIKEY PEG-SELLER LYNN PIKES OUT PEGS

U7s WAGS have some competition after Adrian O'Connor decided to get in on the act. "This credit crunch m'larky has hit me hard, I need to get the dosh wherever I can." said the village people look-a-like. Wife Sara was philosophical "I quite like the boots and hat, but the leather chest strap tends to Chafe a little." We followed Aidy as he did his stint at the local old folks home. The appreciative Ladies, most of whom were in their late 80's, were wondering if the hapless wood butcher did some extra's if you know what we mean. "If the price is right...come on down." said a gyrating Aidy. We left him to get on with his act....

In next weeks soar-a-way 'News of the Crow'
Who has the dirtiest knee's in the club, Sara tells us what makes a great Sambouka. Phil Pitt in pit-stop pullover, do fish really remember the way home? ......and what do blokes really get up to in the pub!!

Lynn Appleby, famed bacon whisperer and rasher basher has been hit hard by the credit crunch, to the point where she has been forced into selling Pegs + Lucky Heather from her King cab Flat bed tarmac wagon. "Matey my-old-mush, you loves a bit ov old lucky heaver dont's ya..be lucky c'mon moosh.." said the snaggle toothed thieving roadside dwelling scrap metal merchant. Animal Farm fanatic Hubby David 'the beast slayer' Appleby said. "First thing I noticed was when she came home wearing dealer boots, braces and had greasy slimy skin"

U7s dad Jason Archer loves a burger sooooo much, he insisted on having one as his wedding cake. The greedy scoffer can't resist once he gets the smell of beef in his nostrils and was planning the 'wedding burger' for months. "It had to have real Italian Beef and Cheese, none of that Argentinean beef or Smelly French Cheese." said the deluded dad. Good job the Bacon wagon makes over £100 a session or we'd be witness to Jason's Beef - Rage. Jason was unavailable for comment yesterday as his wife told us there was a 2-for-1 offer at Burger King and he'd raced off to get there ahead of the queue.....greedy boy!!

Obviously we spend endless hours tapping away at the computer, working our poor little fingers to the bone...and all to knock out this made-up drivel, but, if you know some gossip, or have a story to tell, true or otherwise, let us know and we'll print it...regardless. As long as it isn't rude(ish) or contains nudity(ish)...but apart from that, we're up for it!!!