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David and Lynn Appleby flung their doors
open (huh, that won't do the hinges any
bloomin good, eh?) for what can only be described as the mother
of all Hog Roasts!, well, probably the 'mother-in-law' judging by the size
of the ugly great brute. As you can see David had quite a tussle with the
creature, before using his faithful old spud gun to down the rampaging
monster...and the hog roast wasn't bad either (boom boom) Seriously though,
the hog was actually an escaped rare bovarian hog, the last of a breeding
pair worth over £5,000,000 each..."as the other hog is now worthless, I've
offered the zoo a tenner to take it away and cook it down." said a defiant
David yesterday.
Plenty of you have mentioned that you
have absolutely no idea what the post code for the Cricket Field is...and to
be honest, neither did we until today, but thanks to all the modern
technology..(we stole someone's post along the road) we've managed to get it
for you.
RG45 7ES
We really are lost for words on
this caption..
All roads point to Broadmoor...apart
from that one, oh and the other one..
David...with the hog he killed in
his back yard...then ate...with help from friends and neighbours and huge
bottle of BBQ Sauce....the remains of the carcus is being flown to Zimbabwe
as it'll feed the entire country for a week!
As our picture shows, Manager Scott (you be
the judge on which one he is) has had a bad accident at football as his
achilles appears to be linked to his facial muscles. "No sooner had the
achilles snapped, when his face went like this." described a trembling Helen
Farmer.
Scott Snaps
Achilles...??
In next weeks
soar-a-way 'News of the Crow'
Nelio Jardim and his Grand Theft Auto. Why
do women have rough heels and what makes a perfect Curry!!
It must've been a shocker to see Marc turn
up hobbling as his foot was injured in an 'after hours' drinking session
involving one of those Thai 'Lady-Boys' or something..."at least he didn't have
his old Gary Glitter costume on, then we would've been in trouble" said a close
source yesterday.
Lisa Very Merry
We snuck into Lisa Merry's house whilst she
was away on holiday, to see just why she has a permanent smile stuck on her
mush all day and judging by the bloomin size of her drinks cabinet, it's no
wonder. There were drinks from all over the world, including a case of red
wine stolen from the Baptist church last Easter..forcing the cancellation of
Holy Communion for hundreds of Faithful Crowthorne Church goers...ok,
that bits a little thin....but there were some people who were
upset...probably!! We had a quick shufty around the house and have plenty of
useful information...enough to pay my mortgage for a year or two...heh heh
heh
David + Lynn.....as good looking as
the wonderful food they serve....yum yum...
Obviously we spend endless hours tapping
away at the computer, working our poor little fingers to the bone...and all
to knock out this made-up drivel, but, if you know some
gossip, or have a story to tell, true or otherwise, let us know and we'll
print it. As long as it isn't rude or contains nudity.
